Woke up to a week that was planned on fun times and happy thoughts... Going to sleep on past regrets and decisions I shouldnt have decided...
For a relatively smart guy who prides himself mostly on his decision making abilities and his Intelligence, Im an idiot...
If God gave us free will and Judgement isnt from him but us... How would I judge myself if i dont trust myself and feel proud of what i have done and learned if i regret it...
Truth is... Alot of people depend on me whether they know it or not...
Im Jealous of others, hate to lose and am selfish... I love to win, but at what cost? I love to be right... But at what cost...
I feel as if i am right and when i am i rub it in others faces! Then they are sad for lying and they take it hard on themselves, and i dont really win... i dont win because im sad at what my arrogance and pride and righteous self determination to always be right has caused... If i dont make a deal of it, im wrong and theyre happy in their falsehood... I can deal with that better than seeing their sorrow and regret...
Maybe, im tired of being right... Maybe i would rather convince myself that im wrong than to see them hurt...
Maybe im supposed to be wrong...
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